AND NO MORE SUNRISE DESPERATION – 

May 4, 2021 –  What was your sex life like before you got sober?

TAWNY: My sex life was very performative. It was for the other person. I had fun and it felt good—don’t get me wrong—but I was more concerned with pleasing the other person than figuring out what I actually wanted.

What were your initial conceptions about what sober sex was going to be like?

TAWNY: I thought sobriety was going to be the worst thing ever. I thought, ‘I’m not going to have any friends. I’m never going to date again. I’m never going to have sex. I had applied alcohol to everything in my life, and I didn’t even know, like, how am I going to hang out with my friends if it’s not for a drink?

But it actually sounds like getting sober shifted how you prioritized your own pleasure.

TAWNY: It’s almost like I’m in Sex 101, where I’m learning my body, learning what turns me on, and then gaining the confidence to share that with someone that I trust. It was really scary to do that—to tell him, ‘Look, I used to fake orgasms, but I don’t want to do that with you.’ 

When it comes to consent, did cutting out alcohol help you pick up on partners’ non-verbal cues?

NICK: It’s more than just consent. Let’s say consent is a baseline, where a hundred percent of sex sessions start with that. That’s the 101 level. If you’re drunk, you’re [also] not going to get the Master’s class or the triple Ph.D. I want to know what Tawny wants, because it makes me a better lover to be receptive to her needs.

more@MensHealth

SIGN UP TODAY!

Subscribe Today! Your best source of current news, information and opinion about the issues that matter to you most. Serving the treatment industry, recovery community and health and wellness professionals.