Nov. 5, 2021 – First, make sure you are safe. If you are, keep yourself safe — emotionally and physically safe — and if you are not, get help. Immediate help. Legal help. Physical help. Walk out the door and go to a shelter sorta help. Stop lying for your spouse. Stop making excuses for them. Because by lying, you are hurting him. You are hurting yourself. You are feeding his addiction. And you are becoming a part of his sickness. That’s right: Not only is his illness driving you crazy, it is making you sick. Physically, emotionally, and mentally sick. Go to Al-Anon. Go to counseling. Go to group therapy, or go to a friend. Honestly, go wherever the hell you like, but go somewhere. Talk to someone. And ask for help. To make yourself better. To make yourself stronger. To relearn what you need, what you want, and what you desire. To reconnect with yourself.

Figure out “your line:” what you can handle, what you are willing to handle, and what you cannot — i.e. what is your “rock bottom?” When is enough enough? When will you have to — when will you need to — walk away?  And know that your partner’s drinking is not your problem. It is not the result of something you did — or didn’t do — and it is not your fault. No matter what they may say, or what their actions imply, their addiction is not your fault. Because alcoholism is a mental compulsion. An emotional compulsion. A physical compulsion. Alcoholism is a terrifying, insidious, and indiscriminate disease. And while it can be treated and managed, it can never be cured.


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