MEN SUFFER TOO –
March 11, 2021 – I have a great partner. We’ve been together two years. We’re talking about marriage. He’s kind and empathetic with a strong moral compass. We get each other. We communicate well. Our relationship is a priority in both our lives. He’s not perfect and neither am I, but we’re good together.
Why am I reaching out to you? He has poor body image. He talks about being fat. He’s not fat at all. He is a big guy – played football and wrestled in high school and undergrad. If he doesn’t lift in a day, he feels guilty. He weighs himself daily and his mood is linked to his weight. He doesn’t think this is a problem. I do. I tell him what I learned from you. He’s worthy. His body is worthy. He listens, but still worries he’s not attractive. Until him, I thought only girls and women had body image issues. He didn’t have sex education at all in high school and there was so much about relationships and sexuality he never talked about before me. He admits his sex education at a young age came from porn. I plan to give him this column, Mary Jo. He learns well. I think he needs to hear this from someone else. Work your magic! Thank you for including body image in your classes!Here are a few hints to encourage his self-worth. Please remember self-esteem, positive body acceptance and worthiness need to be reinforced over time. Counseling can also be a good choice when negative body image is stealing joy from life.
1. Words matter. Do not body shame, even as a joke. Listen to his concerns without dismissing them. Give sincere, specific compliments. “I love how strong your arms are,” “You make me laugh,” or “I love all of you.” Try shoring up his nonphysical attributes.
2. Exercise helps. Studies show moderate exercise can increase self-esteem. If he’s obsessed with lifting, try working out together as an occasional alternative.
3. Be alert to feelings. Revealing anxiety may be difficult. It may be easier to complain about his body than to admit depression.
4. Seek support. Reaching out to me is a good first step. Encourage counseling if needed. Let him know he is not alone.
Model body acceptance yourself. You are both people of worth. Keep in touch.
