COLOR MY WORLD –
Oct. 31, 2021 – During low points in my life I could count on alcohol to tame the battles raging in my mind and lessen the anxiety that gripped my chest. However, as time went on I started to understand that alcohol was not treating my anxiety and depression, it was compounding the intensity of the symptoms and lessening the effect of any possible solutions, such as medication, exercise, meditation. The balance had shifted- what alcohol was taking from me was far outweighing what it was giving to me. The golden-hued moments were fewer and further between. The need surpassed the want as the toll alcohol was having on my body and mind became magnified.
As I considered quitting alcohol I simply could not picture it. I could not imagine parts of my life without alcohol — unwinding from a tough day at work, having a nice meal, going to a wedding, having friends over. Moreover, not having that tool to achieve a predictable change in mood and mindset was a frightening prospect. I would have to develop other, healthier tools. Fast.
The decision was made: I needed to be done with alcohol. She had to go. It was a somber goodbye as she packed her bags and shuffled out the door. There were no hugs, no heartfelt declarations, no reminiscing. Just a door slam as she left. This time through the front door and not the back door from which she had snuck in. I breathed a tentative sigh of relief as I looked around but wondered — where would fun come from now? I needed to put out a BOLO (be on the lookout) for the sparkle.
