OR MINE! –
Jan. 9, 2025 – I was addicted to booze and benzos for 20 years on and off, from the late 1970s until the early 2000s. Although my drinking career began more or less normally, it ended in a grave repetitive soul-sickness, in a very-near-death experience. If I was awake, I was drinking … I was drinking and taking my pills. Sleeping involved falling unconscious from drinking, and waking was coming to because I needed to drink, akin to the way normal sleep can be interrupted by needing to pee—not at all like waking up to meet a new day, a new beginning.
I would come to around 6:15 a.m., swearing that yesterday was the last time I’d drink. This was convenient because I was always out of booze by morning. So I would say to myself, “I will not drink today, perhaps never again, but certainly not today.” I’d boil water, grind the coffee for the French press. I’d pace, drink a cup of coffee and try to hold to my terrified resolve.
