Person of the Week: Mary Beth O’Connor

Mary Beth O’Connor has been sober since 1994. She wrote From Junkie to Judge: One Woman’s Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction. She speaks, trains, and writes about substance use, trauma, mental health, and recovery. She is a Director for She Recovers Foundation and LifeRing Secular Recovery. She is a retired federal Administrative Law Judge.

junkietojudge.com

Q. If you are in recovery, what was your drug(s) of choice and when is your sobriety date?

A. Methamphetamine for 15 years; sobriety date is 1/13/94.

Q. What do you like most about 12-step meetings?

A. 12-step programs weren’t a good fit for me. I pulled a few ideas out but primarily built a secular, individualized recovery plan.

Q. Do you think addiction is an illness, disease, a choice, or a wicked twist of fate?

A. I categorize it as a brain disorder. 

Q. Who is your favorite celebrity in recovery?

A. Jamie Lee Curtis.

Q. If you ever retire, would you prefer to live by the ocean, lake, river, mountaintop, desert, or penthouse?

A. When we were looking for our current house, my husband pointed out that I seemed to want the impossible: to live in the forest, a few blocks from a downtown!

Q. Is there anything special in your sobriety toolkit that helps keep you sober?

A. To build a robust recovery foundation, I had to address my lengthy and varied trauma history, as well as developing the skills required for long-term sobriety.

Q. How do you measure success?

A. Living a happy and productive life.

Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?

A. As to recovery, anyone who claims there only is one path to recovery for everyone.

Q. If you had an extra million dollars, which charity would you donate it to?

A. I’d split it between LifeRing Secular Recovery and She Recovers Foundation.

Q. Who has been the biggest influence throughout your life?

A. The biggest positive influence has been my husband.

Q. Who made you feel seen growing up?

A. I always did well in school and received a lot of positive attention there.

Q. From what school of thought or teacher did you learn the most from?

A. In high school, my history teacher was attending law school at night. This brought to my attention that this might be a realistic option for me, even though I’d be the first in my family to attend college.

Q. Where are you from and where do you reside now?

A. I grew up in central New Jersey. I’ve lived in the San Francisco Bay Area since I moved here to attend the University of California, Berkeley.

Q. What major event or realization shaped who you are?

A. That it was possible to heal my pain.

Q. What is something you swore you would never do, but did anyway?

A. Learn to tolerate some vegetables! 

Q. If you were giving a dinner party for your 3 favorite authors, living or dead, who would they be?

A. If I chose on the basis of most interesting rather than just best writers, I’d choose Benjamin Franklin, Simone de Beauvoir, and John Lewis.

Q. What is your Astrological sign?

A. Aries.

Q. What is a phrase that has kept you afloat during hard times?

A. This is hard, but you can handle it.

Q. What’s your concept of a Higher Power?

A. None.

Q. What book(s) have you read more than once?

A. The Body Keeps the Score.

Q. Which film have you watched the most?

A. Wizard of Oz, because it was on every year when I was a kid and I’ve seen it a few times since. Plus, my husband and I went to see it at a movie theater once.

Q. Who is your favorite film director?

A. I have favorites in different genres. One director who’s movies I never miss is Wes Anderson.

Q. What do you love most about living sober?

A. The lack of chaos.

Q. If you could give advice to your younger self what would it be?

A. Get the help you need now. Don’t wait!

Q. Is there anything you do that seems mundane on the surface but has turned out to be sacred for you?

A. Sacred isn’t a word I would use. But the simple act of taking a walk with my husband, chatting and holding hands, brings me joy.

Q. When did you realize you were a grown-up?

A. One transition point was when I became an attorney 9 years into my sobriety and at 42 years old.

Q. What books are you reading now?

A. I’ve almost finished Edith Wharton’s The House of Mirth and then will read Caroline Biedler’s You Are Not Your Trauma.

Q What is your favorite App?

A. Nordstrom! 

Q. Are you binge watching any TV series?

A. I’m watching Dark Shadows again, which was a favorite when I was a kid.

Q. Who is your favorite performer, living or dead?

A. I’ve always had a soft spot for Marilyn Monroe, as someone who struggled with substances, pain, and getting the respect she deserved.

Q. What are some of the most memorable songs in your life?

A. Tom Petty’s Refugee still resonates.

Q. What is one word you would use to describe yourself?

A. Improved.

Q. What is your favorite city?

A. I’d live in New York if it didn’t snow there.

Q. What is your favorite hotel?

A. We’ve been to the Kon Tiki in Pismo Beach the most, because it’s a 3 hour drive, oceanfront, and reasonably priced.

Q. What is your favorite restaurant?

A. Near my house, Ben Tre.

Q. What is your favorite cuisine?

A. If I had to pick one, Vietnamese.

Q. What is the best and or worse piece of advice someone has given you?

A. The best advice is to trust that I can handle all of life’s challenges, even those that are painful. The worst advice would be to lend money to a certain family member.

Q. What is the best piece of advice you’ve given someone else?

A. To balance listening to the suggestions of those in recovery who have had success with building a recovery plan that works for you.

Q. Have you ever been arrested and, if so, what for?

A. Once, for methamphetamine and hypodermics.

Q. What is one thing that always makes you smile?

A. Seeing my husband walk through the door.

Q. What was the proudest moment in your life?

A. Graduating from Berkeley Law School.

Q. What is your favorite compliment to receive, and why?

A. That sharing my story, such as in my From Junkie to Judge memoir, has been helpful. Because educating, offering reassurance, and reducing stigma are the primary goals of my current writing, speaking, and advocacy work.

Q. What is a style trend you wish would come back?

A. Blazers, because I have a lot sitting in my closet from my legal career.

Q. What do you love most about yourself?

A. I’m always growing and challenging myself.

Q. What are five things you always carry with you?

A. Bookmarks for my memoir, brush, paper, pen, and sunglasses.

Q. What is your biggest fear?

A. To run out of money.

Q. Where do you go when you’re seeking solitude?

A. My living room.

Q. What is your biggest regret?

A. That I didn’t get help with my addiction and trauma sooner.

Q. What is the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?

A. Attending law school at 39 years old.

Q. What is something you are currently curious about?

A. I take time every day to read about the new studies, opinion pieces, and articles about substance use disorders and recovery.

Q. What book would you most like to see turned into a movie or TV show that hasn’t already been adapted?

A. I have to say my memoir, From Junkie to Judge: One Woman’s Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction.

Q. What is the hardest amends you’ve ever had to make?

A. My relationship with my now husband was on the cusp of total collapse when I went into rehab. We had to do a lot of work to stabilize the relationship, then build a happy and supportive life together.

Q. Where did you go wrong?

A. I didn’t believe I could survive my childhood without substances.

Q. Where did you go right?

A. I trusted myself to reject the order to do recovery the 12-step way, because I knew it wasn’t the right fit for me.

Q. What is something you’ve learned about yourself in the last six months?

A. That I still need to work on the urge to be productive every minute of every day.

Q. How important is human connection?

A. In the long run, it’s the most important aspect of life.