Paulina Pinsky is a writer, ice skater, writing coach, and educator based in Los Angeles. She received her MFA from Columbia University, where she has taught Comedy Writing to high schoolers since 2018. She is the co-author of the teen guide to consent IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE AWKWARD. She writes the Substack newsletters “newly sober” and “process/product.” She is currently working on a memoir.

You can find out more about her offerings at paulinapinsky.com, her instagram @paulina_pinsky, or TikTok @paulinaplease.

www.paulinapinsky.com

Q. If you are in recovery, what was your drug(s) of choice and when is your sobriety date?

A. I have been sober from all mind-altering substances since December 22, 2021. Marijuana was my drug of choice, but I never drank normally (My nickname in college was “Barflina” because I’d either blackout or vomit every time I drank). You had it? I’d try it.

Q. Is there anything special in your sobriety toolkit that helps keep you sober?

A. Meetings. Meetings. Meetings. I am committed to going to meetings. If I slack? I feel insane. Sure, I pray and meditate and work with others, but it’s by going to meetings that I find the most relief.

Other than that: writing about my sobriety has helped me stay sober.

When I was less than 90 days sober, I started writing a newsletter called “newly sober” on Substack. I was a marijuana addict but could not find any writing on the topic. All of the recovery memoirs I read were about alcoholism, and were from about five years out. Now, I understand that the perspective that comes from being sober for a while is imperative to writing an effective memoir. But I was newly sober and no one was writing what I was going through, and so I committed myself to writing through the experience of early sobriety while it was happening.

Funnily enough, it has been an instrumental part of my recovery: getting real about what is happening now. Although I no longer write weekly, I do still write about my recovery and what I’m thinking about and moving through on “newly sober”. I’ve also found a brilliant community writing about sobriety, and I am so thankful for the hubris that got me writing when I was too new to know not to do that.

Q. Do you think addiction is an illness, disease, a choice, or a wicked twist of fate?

A. I like to think of it more as an inherited gene. Looking at my family history, it is clear that alcoholism exists in the genome (on my mother’s side). Just like my eye color and the likelihood that I may have hypertension, my genes dictate what my fate.

That being said, the disease model makes sense to me. Of course, the fellowship that I belong to subscribes to this idea. I think we are quick to accept things in medical terms, or accept “illness” in a medical sense more readily than other models. But, more than anything, I find that my alcoholism/addiction is a dis-ease within me. If I do not tend to my sobriety, there is an innate restlessness, discomfort, and rage that comes forth if I did not tend the dis-ease.

That being said, more and more I am finding that there is always an inciting incident: A Big T Trauma. Trauma can determine whether or not we become alcoholics or addicts. In my mind, if we have the genetic predisposition and Trauma comes along, the gene can “turn on.”

So, I suppose: a bit of nature AND nurture.

Q. Where are you from and where do you reside now?

A. I am from Pasadena, California, and after a decade in New York City, I came back home. If you had told me I’d be back here, engaged to a South Pasadena boy? I would’ve spat on your shoes. I now live in South Pasadena, seven minutes from the house I grew up in. Sobriety is wild.

Q. What is one word you would use to describe yourself?

A. BRIGHT.

Q. Describe how you came to your “rock bottom” point.

A. I was trapped in a car with my ex-fiance, en route to New Orleans from New York, to spend Christmas with his family. We were both three days sober, having decided to do a “Sober Christmas” after we ran out of weed. But that choice proved foolish: he was in weed-induced-psychosis for the duration of the three day drive.

He was an “anti-natalist,” and so he believes that, ethically, people should not have children, and that we should all walk into extinction hand-in-hand. I want children. We both knew this when we started dating. But we both got high and thought we could change each other. We obviously could not.

After being screamed at for my desire to have children for three days, my rock bottom happened on a patch of grass beside an Alabama gas station, just outside of New Orleans. I got out of the car, couldn’t stop hyperventilating and chanting “I CAN’T DO THIS I CAN’T DO THIS I CAN’T DO THIS” when I was trying to chant “I CAN DO THIS.” I fell to my knees, wrapped my arms around myself like a straight jacket, and rocked. I prayed to Elvis, my grandparents, and whatever would listen. I got up, hugged a tree. Then proceeded to vomit McNuggets at the sight of a bloody tampon in the gas station bathroom– followed up with diarrhea.

I took a selfie, knowing: We can never land here ever again.

That is the moment I surrendered.

I have been sober ever since 🙂

Q. If you ever retire, would you prefer to live by the ocean, lake, river, mountaintop, desert, or penthouse?

A. OCEAN. OCEAN IS THE ONLY RIGHT ANSWER.

Q. How do you measure success?

A. So much of American culture is geared toward financial and material gain as markers of success, but that don’t mean shit to me. Of course, I am privileged to feel that way because I have never lived in poverty or not had my financial and material needs met. All people deserve to have their needs met. However, money isn’t everything. In fact, rich people are some of the most spiritually bankrupt people (I’ve got proximity. It’s not a fun hang).

To me, success comes down to whether or not I am being creative. I believe that creativity is our spiritual birthright, and if I can say that every day I wrote or sang or danced or ice skated– in short, created– then that means I am a living success.

Q. From what school of thought or teacher did you learn the most from?

A. Julia Cameron: The Artist’s Way.

One of my made up jobs is that I lead people through Julia Cameron’s 12-week spiritual workbook, which is meant to unblock creativity. And boy howdy, it sure does!

(I am going to this January! My TENTH time through the book! Join us: https://www.paulinapinsky.com/the-artists-way-course)

I went through it the first time in 2018: I was not sober, and it took 6 months to get through. But each time I have gone through it, I get to know myself and my creative purpose more deeply.

Creativity is the spiritual path, and it is absolutely my spiritual path. Sure, I have ivy league degrees, but they feel way less valuable than the work I’ve done while making my way through the Artist’s Way. It has not only been a fundamental part of my creativity and my identity as an artist, but a pillar in my sobriety (Julia Cameron, herself, is a sober woman of dignity and grace. And there are parallels to 12-step! Nothing obvious, but if you know, you know).

Creativity is our birthright, and I believe that more than I believe anything else.

Q. What do you love most about living sober?

A. I get to show up as myself, and there is no distortion between who I am and who I think I am. I don’t have to pretend.

Q. What’s your concept of a Higher Power?

A. I started praying to Elvis when I was a child, but that was just the beginning.

I’m not afraid of the word God, but I don’t think he’s a man in the sky. I believe there is a divine source– a creative intelligence, an intelligent force in the universe that is not human. I mean, there is no way that a human came up with how tree roots communicate with each other and mushrooms– that’s some wild ass shit.

The Creator, is something. But I don’t know what. I don’t need to know what. And I like to be expansive in terms of what I think that is, day-by-day.

I wasn’t raised in religion, but I was raised by a mother who had clairvoyants come to the house and tell us our dead grandparents were in the room with us. I’m sort of thankful to not have to battle against religious dogma, but I def dabble in the woo.

I believe that there is a divine chorus guiding me. Elvis is one of them, but so are my grandparents, and great-grandparents. A psychic once told me the archangel Barachiel struck me sober and is very invested in me staying sober– whether or not that is true, who knows. But I truly felt I was struck sober, so it’s hard not to. I call on them often, mostly when I’m scared.

I believe in good orderly direction– I find myself in flow, in the slipstream of the universe, when I am following good orderly direction. Going to meetings. Calling fellows. Exercising. Writing. Being of service. Being a kind human.

Also, the ocean. The tide will come in and out, in and out, no matter what we do. There is no stopping the tide, and that’s some higher power shit.

Q. What is your Astrological sign?

A. SCOPRIO SUN, CAPRICORN RISING, GEMINI MOON.

Q. Who is your favorite celebrity in recovery?

A. Mary Karr. She wrote a whole book about alcoholism (Lit– a brilliant read that I first read stoned), but did not name 12 step or which fellowship she was in. She takes the traditions seriously.

She’s also the most brilliant writer I have ever read. When I grow up, I want to be Mary Karr. I want to write 3 memoirs and have them all be bangers.

Q. What book(s) have you read more than once?

A. I hate re-reading books. I hate re-watching shows and movies. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE DO THAT. HOW BORING.

But there is one book I have re-read, and that is Cherry by Mary Karr. Parts of Liars Club, too.

There are books I WOULD LIKE to re-read because they are that good.
1. All My Puny Sorrows by Miriam Toews
2. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
3. Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
4. The Elena Ferrante Neopolitan triology

Q. What books are you reading now?

A. All The Way to the River by Elizabeth Gilbert and Little Failure by Gary Shtyengart

(I read a book a week, but haven’t gotten super hooked into one, so I am straddling two. Ask me again next week)

Q. If you were giving a dinner party for your 3 favorite authors, living or dead, who would they be?

A. Mary Karr (wow, I am big on the Karr train today!), Elena Ferrante, Octavia Butler. Throw in A.M. Homes for a splash of strange.

Q. Who is your favorite performer, living or dead?

A. Elvis Presley. I have been praying to Elvis since I was an eight year old girl, getting ready for an ice-skating competition.

It is totally strange for an 8 year old girl in the year 2001 to be obsessed with Elvis, but I was. I wore a TCB necklace from ages nine to twenty– until the chain snapped. And then, the TCB lightning bolt was my first tattoo at 21.

The adoration was purely devotional, not sexual (although, I’ll admit, he is incredibly handsome). There was that thing in him that I recognized in myself– that impulse to perform. That spark– that ‘it” factor. And so, before each and every figure skating competition of my 13 year childhood competitive career, I prayed to Elvis. I still do.

It’s only now that I see the irony in my devotion to a dead drug addict. Although I didn’t see it then, we were more alike then I could ever know. I got lucky, I got sober. Not all of us are so lucky.

Q. What is your favorite city?

A. I really do love Los Angeles, it turns out. But I just spent time in Lisbon, and I absolutely loved it there. Also really love Tokyo. I am polyamorous, when it comes to where my heart is happiest.

Q. What is a style trend you wish would come back?

A. Body positivity :/ everyone hates their bodies so much and it’s hard to watch.

THAT BEING SAID! We do not have to stay in that self-hatred!

I am teaching a six-week writing workshop called REWRITING BODY STORIES: REVISING THE LIES THAT DIET CULTURE TAUGHT US.

If you feel trapped in the hate or discomfort of your body, if you’ve struggled with eating disorders or disordered eating, if you feel trapped in the contemporary iteration of diet culture: this workshop is for you.

We start October 15~ Don’t be afraid to reach out on social media or my website to find out more information or to sign up!

Q. What are five things you always carry with you?

A. Aquaphor, a Koala lens cleaning cloth (my glasses are always dirty and it drives me insane), a red lipstick, a couple of hair-ties on a carabeener, a small pocket-sized journal, and a pen.

Q. What do you value most in a friendship?

A. Honesty. I value being able to speak openly and honestly, and I pray that each and every one of my friends knows that they can speak honestly with me.

Nothing hurts me more than finding out someone feels like they can’t tell me the truth. Ironic, given that I’m conflict avoidant. But it’s not conflict if truth is being mutually expressed with the intent of understanding each other.

Q. What is your biggest fear?

A. Success. I fear success more than I fear failure.

Q. Where do you go when you’re seeking solitude?

A. In bed with a book. I have discovered, in sobriety, that I am an introvert. Sure, I am outgoing– I can talk to anyone in the room. But being out in the world and around other people drains me. It is exhausting. And so, I have to spend a lot of time alone to recharge. And nothing makes me happier than reading a book in bed.

Q. What do you love most about yourself?

A. I am a really grounding, calming presence– but I’m not dour. I am playful and kind. I like that I choose optimism. I just… really like being myself.

Q. What do you like most about 12-step meetings?

A. THE STORIES. The experience, strength, and hope. But also, I always seem to hear EXACTLY what I need to hear that: the thing that makes my shoulder drop down, no longer hovering towards my ears.

I like hearing the god (the divine, magic, etc) in the words of others. I like that I don’t have to be the center of attention to get something out of it.

Q. When did you realize you were a grown-up?

A. Think it’s starting to happen around now…

Q. How important are your pets to you?

A. INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT.

My cat Jack. Aside from my fiance, he is the love of my life. He is the best cat I have ever known– everybody loves Jack. He’s a tuxedo with a clipped ear, a feral cat from the streets of Staten Island. And he loves to be held and kissed. He is so deeply loving and romantic, and he deserves the best.

I wasn’t always a good Cat Mom to him– I got him when I was 23 to impress a boyfriend who hated me but loved cats. From the start, I was high, probably got him high second-high, and I brought not-so-good people in and out of his life.

But my god, I love that cat more than I love life. He has kept me sober, every day is an opportunity to make living amends to him. Knowing that cat for the past nine years has been one of the greatest gifts of my life ( I know I sound insane, but when you meet him: you’ll understand. Everybody– even cat-haters– love Jack).

Q. What is your motto?

A. It is our divine right to be creative. For each and every one of us.