WHO DOES? –
June 18, 2024 – Amy Dresner explores the concept of emotional sobriety and why she feels like she still lacks it, even more than 11 years into recovery. Emotional sobriety, according to my sponsor, is “conscious consistent behavior that is based in the 12-step principles of common welfare: unity, love and tolerance, integrity, graciousness (i.e. giving others the benefit of the doubt), forgiveness, humility, and service.” Oof. I mean, we can all do that sometimes but doing it CONSISTENTLY is difficult (read: impossible) To be fair, all people lack of emotional consistency to some degree … but there are some groups who seem to me to lack it more. These commonly include teenagers, people who misuse substances, and even people in early recovery from substance abuse. Based on my personal experience, I’d add people with trauma, mental illness, personality disorders, and traumatic brain injuries. When I cracked my head open from a seizure and had a severe concussion, my emotional sobriety was nonexistent. I was shockingly impulsive and violent, wildly reactive, and emotionally volatile. Wait! That sounds like me today (except for the violence. Getting arrested for a violent felony will really put a damper on any proclivity toward violence and teach you to keep your hands to yourself. Thanks, West Hollywood sheriffs!).
Almost everyone grows up egocentric, thinking the world revolves around us. Moving beyond that—developing an awareness of others, learning concern for other people, and getting out of the “Me, Me, Me!” trap—is a process. Part of this process is the realization and acceptance that, no, the world does not owe us and, nope, life is not fair. In many ways, it’s growing up.
