FAITH, HOPE AND HIGHER POWER –

March 2024 – I’ll admit that the first Al-Anon meeting I attended triggered me. I was irritated by words like loved ones, sponsor, and qualifier. But most of all, the talk of a Higher Power stirred in me a childhood question about who my God was. I was yet to understand why recovery calls on us to be spiritual. I chose to attend Al-Anon meetings to better understand how addiction took hold of my relationship with the man I loved. Addiction clutched him to the point of disfiguring both our souls. We acted in ways contrary to who we had been and who we believed ourselves to be. He was afraid of losing autonomy as his addiction gained greater control of his life. I was scared of abandonment as our connection became more tenuous through the haze of alcohol.

After attending a few more meetings, I realized that recovery did not require me to become religious and choose a God as a Higher Power. It did, however, require me to discover my spirituality. I was not being asked to declare a faith nor embrace some form of mysticism. Instead, I needed to develop an awareness of myself at the moment. Freeing myself from the buzzing thoughts that made me reactive, and look for wisdom outside of myself was necessary.

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