Why I Stayed in a Damaging Relationship With an Alcoholic

YOU’RE IN IRELAND? –

Sept. 25, 2021 – When he finally fell right off the wagon and descended into an alcoholic vortex of total life-obliteration, lasting nearly a year, I found myself in a situation for which I was utterly unprepared and uninformed. I felt overwhelmingly alone, heart-broken, and frightened.

I was left caring for our baby daughter on my own, dodging lies and accusations, my head spinning from gaslighting and psychological manipulation, exhausted by fear and confusion, working to pay all of our bills, and still, despite it all, missing the man I loved and who I knew was desperately unwell.

Alcoholism, like all addictions, requires intensive lying. The dishonesty and deceit is almost constant, and anything that gets in the way of the addict’s needs – such as a partner exhausted by these lies – has to be silenced or stopped.

As my partner’s drinking increased over the middle years of our relationship, and with it his disappearances, latenesses, volatile and snappy moods, forgetfulness and so on, I began to dare to question and challenge him. But all of it was either immediately explained away with a fair degree of irritation, or I was told I was imagining it. I was even told I should stop asking because all this questioning made him anxious and more likely to drink.