What Is “Sobersplaining”?

LET ME TELL YOU… –

May 5, 2023 – Two types of sobersplainers John Stuart Mill, in On Liberty(1859), observes that it is part of human nature for each of us to assume we are right about the goodness or rightness of our beliefs, values, and knowledge and then project these onto others. We expect others to act as we do because, well, we are right. Often with the best of intentions, people who wish well and want the best for others actively addicted or struggling with recovery feel licensed to make recommendations, claims, and judgments about what a person must or should do. Sobersplainers tend to do just this by making a lot of “you statements.”

Sobersplainers in the first category—those who have never been addicted—offer a carousel of “shoulds” and “oughts” to people struggling. One of the more common offerings is, “you need to hit rock bottom and lose it all before you can change.” This is often accompanied by the claim that “you need to go to counseling/treatment/AA.” If met with any resistance to these recommendations, a sobersplainer may lob the charge that “you are in denial.”