by Julie Lyons, LICSW

PUTTING OURSELVES BACK TOGETHER –

March 12, 2021 – Coming out about addiction to the public, friends and loved ones these days may not have the shame that it did in the past; it may even seem easy, but it is only one part of an internal battle for emotional freedom. There could be hidden twists and turns that carry a powerful stigma; mental illness. Attempts to get down to the causes and conditions necessary to recover can be excruciatingly painful at times and cause relapse over and over. Reprieve from addiction can become impossible even when deeply committed to participating in a rigorous and supportive recovery program.  Some try sequestering themselves in luxurious treatment facilities and ocean retreats. They may hire private recovery coaches or top therapists and still continue to experience failure after failure.Disillusionment leads to feeling isolated and alone; hiding a “secret” too “crazy” to share with another human being; losing hope, blaming others or giving up on recovery.

Why?

When groups of coping skills, past behaviors or parts of the personality have been given diagnostic labels bearing the stigma of mental illness, finding peace in recovery can remain unreachable. Shame and secrecy about underlying conditions create thoughts of being marginalized and different, impeding the process of staying clean or abstinent from a particular substance.

So, what is the solution?

Having the “honesty, open mindedness and willingness” to consider that everyone has unique, multifaceted parts of their personalities often used as coping skills, we might be able to accept and embrace ourselves; our imperfections and our differences. Then a label telling us who we are and what we are capable of accomplishing might not limit us.

How do I know this?

I struggled with addiction for 20 years, afraid of facing the deep truth about myself; avoiding looking at the underlying components of my personality that I felt were repugnant and embarrassing by using drugs, alcohol and other substances.

I just couldn’t keep doing the same thing over and over. I stayed sober, went back to graduate school and actually finished. I earned a master’s degree, became a licensed therapist and secretly diagnosed myself. But now I knew from the inside how even therapists stigmatized mental uniqueness and did not believe that people could change.  I didn’t know then that these carefully compartmentalized elements of me actually held the answer to my problem and freedom from the cycle of addiction. I found out later people with the ability to form separate aspects of themselves to help them cope are extremely intelligent, creative and high functioning. They absolutely can learn how to operate their brain in a new way by creating new neural pathways.  I managed to stay clean long enough to find someone who could help me; a therapist who believed that by identifying, accepting and listening inside, I could learn how to “integrate” these amazing resilient and genius elements of myself. I was not stuck; misdiagnosed with bipolar or borderline personality disorder or accused of being psychotic or schizophrenic. I dedicated myself to doing everything that I could to “change my personality”, immersing myself in recovery programs, reading self-help books, working hard in therapy, studying neuroscience, metaphysics and transformational thought.

So, what WAS the label that I refused to believe was a life sentence and a reason to go back to drinking or take my own life?

The over-arching condition used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. Renamed in the DSM-V (The fifth edition of The Psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) as Dissociative Identity Disorder, a condition that develops when a child directly experiences or is exposed to severe mental, physical or sexual abuse and neglect between birth and approximately age 5 or 6, when the brain requires necessary nurturing and care to form the emotional building blocks for healthy maturation. Alternate personalities (alters) or parts are created as coping mechanisms for survival. Kind of like having several stand-ins for the main actor, so they don’t get hurt doing a stunt or have to get naked for a scene. What used to be thought of as a rare and difficult to treat mental illness is more common than has been noted in the research. (After all, I nor any of my clients or the others I have interviewed been part of any “research” on mental illness.  The truth is, in the hundreds of people that I have assessed, aspects of self exist on a spectrum (some people having more complicated parts than others) that when acknowledged, provide answers to the long-standing issues that hindered their ability to thrive. Most people are able to incorporate parts of their personality without much work where others who have distinct and noticeable parts had been previously misdiagnosed, over-medicated, or worse.  As Hollywood successfully produced media like Sybil, Split or the binge-watched series The United States of Tara, perhaps though, viewing Dissociative Identity Disorder through the lens of entertainment we have only furthered fear and ignorance.  And fear and ignorance are what kept me from coming out about the aspects or parts of myself; what kept me from staying clean and sober. Ironically, we have watched the demise of great artists, actors and musicians who were part of an industry that both exploited and perpetuated the stigma of mental illness. Perhaps there will come a day when we can call it Mental Diversity and truly celebrate our unique contributions to the world.  So, what’s it like for me today? I am a sober and productive member of the community, giving back what has been given to me. I live and work in sunny California, enjoying loving and healthy relationships.

Julie Lyons, LICSW

Transformational Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach and

Dissociative Identity Expert. Julie is a sought-after consultant by treatment facilities, emergency departments, insurance companies, other therapists, medical and psychiatric professionals and has provided education to individuals, couples and families across the globe.