Rabbi Ilan Glazer: Person of the Week
Rabbi Ilan Glazer is dedicated to helping others embrace recovery, heal the grief they carry, and find music, blessings, and spiritual growth even in the difficulties of life. Ilan is the founder of Our Jewish Recovery, author of And God Created Recovery, Rabbi of Adat Chaim, and educator and prayer leader in Baltimore and beyond. A composer, storyteller, and percussionist, Gam Ki Elech: Turning Our Sorrows Into Song, his first album of original music launched in January. Ilan lives in Baltimore with his wife Sherri, their son Rami, and two furballs not yet active in yowlers anonymous…
Q. If you are in recovery, what was your drug(s) of choice and when is your sobriety date?
A. December 19, 2014 – 10 years today! Food, love, pornography, skin-picking, hair-pulling, gaming, procrastination, shame, anxiety, overwhelm, codependency, and probably a few other things I have yet to discover.
Q. What do you like most about 12-step meetings?
A. I love the opportunity to be inspired by the journey of recovery. Every time I attend a meeting, I hear gems of wisdom that help me continue my own recovery journey. When I’m in meetings and other recovery settings, I know I’m not alone, and I know that I am home.
Q. Do you think addiction is an illness, disease, a choice, or a wicked twist of fate?
A. I think addiction is mostly about how we respond to pain and suffering. No one chooses to be an addict. In my case, what started as healthy coping mechanisms during a dysfunctional childhood turned into addictions. Addiction is an illness, and one worthy of good medical care, compassion, and healing for all who are impacted by it.
Q. Who is your favorite celebrity in recovery?
A. Everyone in recovery is my favorite!
Q. If you ever retire, would you prefer to live by the ocean, lake, river, mountaintop, desert, or penthouse?
A. I am often drawn to the mountains, and anytime I am out in nature, the fresh air and beautiful scenery captures my attention and reminds me how amazing life is. My wife Sherri loves water, so a mountain region with good places to swim would be great!
Q. How do you measure success?
A. Am I getting closer to the goals I have for myself? Am I being of service to others? Am I living based off my values instead of my fears? Am I making a difference in the world? I will readily admit to wanting everything now, but when I stop and truly look at what’s already here in the present, the journey towards the goal is much sweeter. Every day that I can show up and contribute to the betterment of the world – that’s a successful day.
Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?
A. I really hate when I hear people say that their addiction is the hardest to recover from, or their recovery (or religious) pathway is the only one that everyone should use. We’re all created as beautiful, wonderful, children of the Holy One, and we all get to find our way to recovery and healing however we can. No approach works for everyone, so we need to be curious and good listeners to see how we can help everyone find and grow in recovery. We’re all unique, so one-size rarely fits all! Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could leave our egos outside the door and just learn from one another?
A. I started Our Jewish Recovery to help Jewish addicts like me find a place to connect and grow together. A million dollars would help us grow significantly and would make a huge difference in our ability to help others. Every dollar donated helps, and a million would be quite the gift!
Q. Who has been the biggest influence throughout your life?
A. I try to seek out mentors who can show me the way forward. Everyone who has ever spent time helping me discover myself, including everyone at every meeting and recovery program I’ve been part of – they influence me every day to keep going.
Q. From what school of thought or teacher did you learn the most from?
A. I’ve learned a lot in the worlds of personal growth, public speaking, storytelling, coaching, grief, recovery, and Jewish life. When I was in Rabbinical school with ALEPH: The Alliance for Jewish Renewal, I discovered teachers and fellow students who had a yearning to bring spirituality into the forefront of their lives and careers. The ALEPH community helped me discover myself as a teacher, prayer leader, musician, and a channel for others to help find themselves.
Q. Where are you from and where do you reside now?
A. I live in Baltimore, Maryland. My Dad was a rabbi at ten different synagogues, so we moved a lot, all up and down the east coast.
Q. If you were giving a dinner party for your 3 favorite authors, living or dead, who would they be?
A. Robert Fulghum, Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, and Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, and would love for Zora Neale Hurston to be there too.
Q. What is your Astrological sign?
A. Virgo, on the cusp of Libra, though what that means I’m never quite sure!
Q. What’s your concept of a Higher Power?
A. I believe in a God that cares about us, opens doors of opportunities and healing for us, and who is constantly sending blessings our way. I don’t think God cares how religiously observant we are or aren’t, or even which religious pathway we do or don’t follow. I think God wants all of us to work for the betterment of the planet. Wouldn’t it be nice if we worked together to do so?
Q. What book(s) have you read more than once?
A. As a kid, I read Stuart Little many times. I’ve definitely read the Harry Potter books a few times, and the Rogue Warrior books by Richard Marcinko which are a fun read. Robert Fulghum’s books have great pieces of wisdom that I come back to from time to time. And I can always find some wisdom for me in the Torah.
Q. Which film have you watched the most?
A. Not sure if it’s Spaceballs or Coming to America. Shawshank Redemption is probably in 3rd.
Q. What surprised you most about living sober?
A. Today I celebrated ten years in recovery. You could not have told me then how many blessings would come my way, or that I’d be willing to accept them. The biggest surprise sometimes is just how much we are able to grow. Life gets better and there’s no religious obligation to suffer. Happiness is good for the soul. I’ve had to work hard to let it in. I’m so glad it keeps sneaking up on me!
Q. If you could give advice to your younger self what would it be?
A. Get out of the house more, find some mentors, and go for long walks to clear your head. Binge eating isn’t the answer. Other addictive tendencies aren’t either. It’s okay to feel sad, and at the same time, I am not the cause of every sadness in the world. Inner peace is possible.
Q. What books are you reading now?
A. Living in the Presence by Rabbi Burt Jacobson, of blessed memory. From To-Do to Done by Maura Nevel Thomas.
Q. Are you binge watching any TV series?
A. Not at the moment, but I do love good TV. Our son Rami is 9-months old, so finding time for TV is rare.
Q. What is your favorite musician and or band?
Q. What is one word you would use to describe yourself?
A. In Yiddish, one of the highest compliments is to call someone a mensch, which means a good person. I try every day to be a mensch and let the best of myself come through.
Q. What is your favorite city?
A. I’ve spent almost two years living in Jerusalem. While the politics and traffic are often both a bit of a mess, it’s a beautiful city with wonderful people from many different cultures all together.
Q. What sport(s) do you like to play or watch?
Q. What is your favorite restaurant?
A. Harmony Vegan Cafe here in Baltimore is fabulous. Great Sage in Clarksville is too.
Q. What is the best piece of advice someone has given you?
A. I heard Les Brown say, “never let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.” Willie Jolley says, “a setback is a setup for a comeback.” I think it was Debbie Ford who wrote about “resigning from the position of general manager of the universe.” I can only do what I can do, and that will be enough.
Q. What is the best piece of advice you’ve given someone else?
A. You’d have to ask others!
Q. Have you ever been arrested and, if so, what for?
A. Thankfully, no. Plenty of legal ways to get oneself in trouble…
Q. What is one thing that always makes you smile?
A. Our nine-month-old son Rami is full of adventure and love. He brings so many smiles to our lives every day. My wife Sherri is pretty amazing too! I am very blessed.
Q. What was the proudest moment in your life?
A. Tonight we celebrated my reaching ten years of recovery. I am proud of how far I’ve come. It’s been an amazing journey. Launching the album in January was also a powerful experience. The launch concert was such a gift – to hear melodies that the band brought to life – such a blessing. Marrying Sherri. Being in the room for Rami’s birth. Many other joyous moments. But every day gives us moments when we can be proud. When I get enough sleep and can smile and take care of Rami even when I’m exhausted, I am proud of that too!
Q. What do you love most about yourself?
A. My willingness to keep going, and my refusal to quit. Life is meant to be enjoyed and I’ve got more dreams in me. I am willing to do the hard work to make them happen, and I am proud when they do.
Q. What are five things you always carry with you?
A. My recovery coin, a bouncy ball I can fidget with, Serenity Prayer in Hebrew and English, usually a good book, and much of the time today, a smiling adorable Rami.
Q. What is your biggest fear?
A. That I’ll stop living and let the fears win. I’m not afraid of that nearly as often as I used to be. Mostly I just want to live fully and enjoy every second of this life.
Q. Where do you go when you want to be alone?
A. I listen to music and podcasts. Walking in nature is always good too.
Q. What is your biggest regret?
A. That I spent too much time in a woe-is-me place instead of helping myself and others appreciate blessings of our lives.
Q. What is the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?
A. Committing to recovery. Getting married. Bicycling from Seattle to D.C. on a Jewish environmental bike ride. Skydiving. Jumping off a waterfall. Walking on hot coals. I’m open to adventure – leads to good stories and new perspectives!
Q. What is something you are currently curious about?
A. Why we spend so much time bickering and ignore our ability to learn from one another instead of pigeonholing others into boxes, so we think we know everything about them. We need to bring back wonder, curiosity, and a reverence for life. Can we slow down and really get to know each other again?