It’s Not the Same Anymore – It’s Better –

January 11, 2020 –  I took a deliberate break from even thinking about sex or dating. I sublet an apartment with a twin bed, perhaps subconsciously because I believed I wouldn’t be having sex for a while. I ate marshmallow fluff and sprinkles for dinner every night for a week. I accepted that I was on a “break”. I just prayed it wasn’t permanent. I was afraid of something, but I didn’t know what.

I quit drinking last March. I’d been trying to moderate it for years, but it had slowly got worse – I desperately wanted it out of my life. Initially, I thought about sobriety in terms of what I’d never do again. In particular, I wondered if I’d ever again be able to date, much less sleep with someone I’d just met. The idea seemed impossible – I was struggling to make even five minutes of small talk, not because being newly sober made it hard to talk to people, but because alcohol had enabled me to pretend I was good at it. I wanted to go easy on myself. 

@TheGuardian