Going Home for the Holidays?

MINE FIELD? –

Dec. 14, 2023 – Reuniting with family often reactivates deeply ingrained roles, dynamics, criticisms, and nagging conversations,” says intervention specialist Dr. Louise Stanger. “If going home stirs more anxiety than joy, that instinct matters. Take care of yourself first – it’s okay to set new boundaries to protect your mental health, even during the holidays.” Several psychological phenomena contribute to the complex emotions tied to family during the holidays. When back in our childhood home, it can feel literally regressive being cast back into historical roles, no longer reflecting the adults we now are. Holidays also act as an amplifier, emotions already running high while the bright lights exaggerate dynamics, making them more joyful or more painful.

Additionally, being expected to revert to past family patterns disrupts self-concept. If you have consciously built a different life – whether moving away geographically, pursuing a passion they don’t understand, or establishing different traditions with your own family – being asked to revert back, even for a day, may shake up your sense of self.

Dr. Stanger validates, “Honoring your authentic identity while also showing up for relatives can feel very incongruent. Figuring out boundaries to allow both to care for your needs alongside maintaining family ties is so challenging.”