May 9, 2018 – It was not until her third month of feeling unwell, in the fall of 2016, that Alicia thought to take an at-home pregnancy test. Until then, she assumed her fatigue and nausea were withdrawal symptoms from the Percocets she’d been dependent upon since the year before. “When some days you don’t get enough, you could definitely throw up or wake up feeling sick,” she told me. “It was easily confused with morning sickness.”
Alicia, who asked that I use her nickname to protect her privacy, was 26 at the time, living with her boyfriend in a tiny apartment just outside Providence, R.I. From the start of their relationship, she had been inspired by his seriousness; he had a job in I.T. that paid $20 an hour. Unlike some of her previous boyfriends, this one wore collared shirts to work and did not use drugs. He had a gangly earnestness that was endearing. “He grew up as a good boy,” Alicia told me. “He did what was right, and he was smart. I wish I could have been like that.”
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