Jan. 24, 2024 – I had checked into rehab, in my own black pit of despair. A bestselling author for almost a decade, I had started my career as a London journalism aged twenty, with just enough childhood trauma to send me into the open arms of Fleet Street drinking culture, My switch to novel writing marked the culmination of a life-long ambition to be an author. But by now I had a terrible secret. My heavy drinking was a habit I’d been using to successfully drown out painful feelings. Now I was using alcohol to plumb the feelings required to write crime-thrillers with a deep emotional core.
The journey through rehab though painful, and tough, was greatly eased by my fellow addicts. During the process we were urged to dig into the painful feelings that led to us to our various addictions. We were also shown the way to the famous 12-Steps program, to allow us to mature through the process of sobriety in a supportive community, ready to nurture of vulnerabilities and offer help.
One aspect of the 12-steps program will be familiar to many of us in western society. The ambition of recovery using this method is to stay ‘clean’ forever. To never again imbibe our respective addiction. Not once. Not ever. The reward for this iron-clad willpower, was various badges, tokens and awards along the way. There were people in my 12 steps group who had been sober for thirty years, with the badge to prove it.
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