Oct. 3, 2021 – If I went even one night without drinking, I’d have trouble sleeping. At two nights without drinking, I’d experience a host of additional withdrawal symptoms, from brain fog to shaking hands to night sweats.

In those years, I really longed for a “normal” relationship with alcohol. I pictured myself drinking just once or twice a week, rarely getting drunk, and able to go as long as I wanted between drinks. On the surface, these goals seemed reasonable enough. I knew plenty of people who were able to drink in moderation, and it didn’t seem too impossible to believe that I could join their ranks. But, of course, moderation isn’t so easy for those of us who have an addiction. No matter how many times I tried to cut back on my drinking, it never worked. Sometimes, I’d try to reduce the frequency that I drank. I’d wait until the weekend, or limit myself to three nights a week. Other times, I’d try to reduce the amount that I drank. I’d tell myself that I’d stop at two or three beers. Ultimately, it never mattered which of these goals I set, because I could never stick with it for more than a week or so before falling back into old habits. As any alcoholic knows, it never stops with just one beer. Or two. Or three.


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