Jesus, They’ll Let Anyone In Here!

by Leonard Lee Buschel

I am a very lucky man. Lucky that I’ve been able to attend AA meetings for 31 years, without being an alcoholic.

            I smoked marijuana every day for 26 years, and I did do cocaine for 13 years and I loved Vodka, Heineken, and Chinaco Tequila. But I never qualified for Alcoholics Anonymous’ “only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.” In my life, I never got drunk accidentally, or got drunk alone … I did get drunk but only after I planned to and I was never alone. In fact I lived in Amsterdam across the canal from the Heineken Brewery for two months and never once went to the daily best beer in the world FREE Tasting. But I was in a ‘coffee shop’, aka hashish den, every day. I never drove drunk or got 86ed from any bar, nightclub or disco. (Whoops, I am that old). And my family of origin certainly doesn’t qualify me even as an Alanon member. I never saw a family member even once get drunk of take any drugs, ever. I But I see alcohol as a ‘liquid’ drug. And I was a drug addict.

            So why do I love AA meetings? The program is about more than just not drinking, it’s about becoming a better person and relishing your relationship with God (Higher Power) a little more consciously.

            On August 3^rd, I checked into The Betty Ford Center because I thought I was having a nervous breakdown from all the ecstasy I was doing and also thought I was about to finally be arrested after dealing large quantities of weed and coke for 23 years. In July of ’94 I saw a stranger taking Polaroid pictures of my house the day after a friend of mine had just been busted and I thought the cops were going to show him the photo and ask him if this was the house he went to score his Hawaiian pot every year. I thought being in a rehab when they arrested me would look good in front of the judge. Luckily that never happened.

            When I got out 30 days later, an old girlfriend in LA told me she would have sex with me if I went to an AA meeting with her. I sped without going over the speed limit right to Santa Monica. As a good Alcoholics Anonymous member, she fulfilled her promise. Not just her honestly was rigorous that night.

            At the meeting, while sipping the most ubiquitous drug of all, I heard the speaker say that the Dalia Lama called, “the 12-step program one of the United States’ greatest gifts to humanity due to its focus on peer support, compassion, and transformation.”  He noted that the 12 steps align with Buddhist principles of compassion, self-awareness, and personal accountability.

            During the meeting, people shared things that made me laugh, feel, and ponder. There were attractive women, healthy looking men, and an atmosphere of friendship and brotherhood. There were a lot of smiles and hugs; members spoke of being heroin users and cocaine addicts. I’d been high every day for 26 years, on one thing or another. So even though I didn’t identify as an alcoholic, I did feel an overwhelming common camaraderie. I felt good being there and wanted to go back again. And I did. Approximately 67,000 times in the last 31 years.

            The first time I went to an AA meeting in Manhattan, it blew my mind, and warmed my heart because no one wanted to see my ID, or asked who sent me. I just sat down and when the speaker was through, they asked if anyone wanted to share. I raised my hand and was called on right away. Here I was, 3000 miles from home, in a room full of strangers, sharing that it was the first time in 26 years I was in New York City and not high. I felt safer crossing the crowded streets and less likely to stumble onto the tracks of an oncoming subway train. I now felt on equal footing with one of the greatest cities in the world. At the end of the meeting, we all held hands and recited the “Lord’s Prayer.” It was like being in a church, a monastery, a synagogue, a living sanctuary of souls passing loving energy through the psalms of our hands.

            I had finally found what I was looking for since my first LSD trip and reading Be Here Now by Ram Dass aka Professor Richard Alpert.

            Addiction bought us all into the same room, and recovery is what keeps us coming back. AA is the most democratic organization I’ve ever known. People are elected to various positions such as, secretary, treasurer, greeter, coffee maker, etc. And they serve for 6 months, never longer.

            “Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern” is the core principle for AA’s tradition two. The ultimate authority is a loving God and the ‘group conscience’ AA has no CEO, president or governing structure. “We’re all just bozos on this bus,” humans are imperfect, silly, and navigating the confusing “ride” through life together, fostering a sense of shared humanity and comedic acceptance of our flaws.

Whenever I am walking towards an AA meeting, I feel a spring in my step, and joy in my soul. And it’s not just for the free coffee. I have a ‘home group in L.A., where I can honestly say I admire and respect everyone in the room.

You can sum up the goal and purpose of being an AA member with one prayer.

The Prayer of St. Francis (Prayer for Peace)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.